Hollyleaf's Peace
by Pandean
Summary: After Hollyleaf's death in the Great Battle, she finds herself in StarClan. Unable to fit in with the rest of the StarClan and haunted by her lost opportunities and past choices, Hollyleaf must find a way to make amends for her actions before she can finally find peace.


Hollyleaf's Peace

Chapter one:

Blood pulsed from a wound in Hollyleaf's neck as she staggered and fell to the ground. The world around her became fuzzy, as if she stuffed moss into her ears, but she could swear she heard Ivypool's cry.

"Hollyleaf!"

Then she felt herself being dragged over toward the ThunderClan border, her limp body sweeping over grass and brush. She let out a groan as another cat crashed through the trees. Her vision was as fuzzy as her sight—was it _Tigerstar_? The broad shouldered brown tabby tom was familiar and for a moment fear flooded her deadened senses until the cat spoke up.

"Let me help!" The cat lifted her onto his shoulders, splitting the burden of her limp body with Ivypool. Not Tigerstar then. Tigerstar would have ripped their throats out before you could say 'mouse'.

She thought she would've felt more pain than this, really. After all, she did fight so hard. But all there was, was the pulsing feeling in her neck and the thick, gross matting of blood on her fur.

Her vision turned back, for a second, for a moment, for an hour, she could hardly tell. But then she was inside the ThunderClan camp and being set lightly on the ground. Cats were running her way and she blinked groggily up at them.

"Hollyleaf saved my life." That was Ivypool again.

"Hollyleaf?" That was a different cat crouching down beside her and Hollyleaf felt her blood run cold. Leafpool. The medicine cat. The code breaker. Her mother. She tried to crack open her eyes, succeeding only a little, and let out a moan.

Leafpool lapped at her cheek as Jayfeather unrolled a leaf bundle beside her. She felt the stickiness of a cobweb pressed toward her wounds, not the right one though. Not the one gushing at her neck.

"She's bleeding here!" Leafpool gasped as she noticed the pulsing wound on her neck.

It was then Hollyleaf knew she was going to die. Something inside her jumped like a panicked hare. She couldn't die yet! She'd only just returned to the Clans, to her family! There was so much more to do! How could she ever train an apprentice, become a deputy, maybe even leader if she died now! It was too soon! She let out another pained moan. Would StarClan even take her after all she'd done? She'd broken the code, she'd _killed_ another cat. Her own Clanmate! Would they curse her to walk in the dark forest forever as a codebreaker? A murderer?

She broke the code, she wasn't worthy of StarClan. _Not worthy. Not worthy. Not worthy. Not worthy._ The thoughts kept playing over and over in her head. She was a bad warrior, a bad Clanmate, for all she'd done. And now there was no chance to fix it, nothing to make it right, to save herself from being bad and unworthy and dirty for all she'd done.

Hollyleaf didn't want to die. But maybe she deserved it. After all, what type of code breaking half-clan scum deserved to live on to become leader anyway? But she so wanted it. She so wanted to live.

Hollyleaf became aware of the cats around her again. Leafpool begging her not to go, Ivypool, in hysterics repeating over and over _'she saved my life, it should've been me'_ , Jayfeather's fervent whispering, almost like a prayer.

"It's okay, Leafpool." She managed to open her eyes a bit again, looking at her—her mother. "I don't mind," she croaked. "I'm glad I came back to ThunderClan." That was a lie, or at least part of one. She minded dying very much. But it didn't matter, it was going to happen, so she might as well calm the cats around her. Surely that was something she could do. "I couldn't bear to…to leave without getting to know my mother."

Because that's what Leafpool was. Not a dirty codebreaker or a disgraced medicine cat. Leafpool was her mother. A fact that once made Hollyleaf attempt to murder her. Just another reason she wasn't worthy of StarClan.

She felt herself slipping, the world growing darker and darker, her last thought lingering in her mind. _Where will I go_?

Hollyleaf opened her eyes. There was no pain, no feeling of blood matting her long, dark fur. She stood, surprised of the strength that spilled through her limbs. Was it all just a dream? No. Beneath her was her body, curled up and covered with blood.

She was dead.

Before she had time to process it, someone nudged her with their cold, wet nose and she jumped. Her fur rose on her shoulders as she prepared to attack whichever dark forest warrior had decided to go up against her—only to stop as she realized her would-be opponent was a pretty silver tabby she-cat. No one she recognized, though.

"Who—who are you?" Hollyleaf asked, her voice shaking.

The silver she-cat placed her long, plumy tail around Hollyleaf's shoulders. "My name is Feathertail. I was one of the six journeying cats."

A shock went through Hollyleaf, freezing her paws right to the ground. "You're the one who died—who Crowfeather loved—still loves," she felt hot under her fur. Feathertail had to resent Hollyleaf, she was the daughter of the cat she loved and a different she-cat after all.

"Hush," Feathertail said, "Calm yourself. I have no feelings against you—actually quite the opposite. I had such a large interest in you and your siblings when I watched from StarClan. I could never hate something that was a part of Crowfeather."

"Why…why are you here?" Hollyleaf asked.

"To take you to StarClan of course! Mouse-brain, what did you think!" Feathertail mrrowed with amusement.

"StarClan? They want me?" if Hollyleaf was shocked before, that was nothing compared to how she felt now. The sky could have opened up and rained prey and it would have been more believable than her, a codebreaker, going to StarClan.

"Of course they do," Feathertail said. "Come on!"

Hollyleaf stood still as Feathertail began to walk up into the sky, following a path of stars that seemed to appear from nowhere. Tentatively, she took a step, placing her paw on the path, stunned when it held her weight. She began following Feathertail up into the sky, hardly able to believe what was happening.

Below her, the cats were still fighting but the battle had calmed a bit. Maybe everything was going to be over soon. Who would she end up meeting in StarClan? She hoped that her family and friends, that everyone would be okay but she knew that it wasn't plausible. Cats would die. She only hoped she didn't see too many familiar faces.

Feathertail sprang up. "We're close now, here's the entrance to our hunting grounds. And Hollyleaf—you story will continue before you find your peace."

It didn't look like anything special. Just two stars that shown even brighter than the others. Feathertail crossed through, disappearing in a shimmer.

Hollyleaf took a deep breath before crossing through the border to her new home.


End file.
